Friday, June 13, 2008

Yeah, I'm Kind of a Big Deal

My brother Dave loves observing douchebags, and I have to say, it's also a favorite hobby of mine. Now that I work regularly in New York, I'm in central casting. It's fantastic.

Possibly the best example of douchery I've witnessed in recent years, took place at a screening for Trumbo, the fantastic new documentary about screenwriter Dalton Trumbo. As is my wont, I got to the theater early and settled in. Usually, screenings are pretty mundane. A bunch of critics sit quietly in the theater beforehand, discuss upcoming movies, or read.

It's a very mellow, enjoyable scene. Several minutes after I settled in, a young couple sat behind me. Then the guy opened his mouth and wouldn't close it.

He was the archtype of the insufferable mover-and-shaker type, the kind of guy who peddles his hustle, drive, and tenuous showbiz connections like they're unique, star-making qualities. He first talked about planning a star-studded bar mitzvah for a kid, including trying to get Chris Brown. He then made a call to someone related at the party, who returned his call. The shaker then said, "Let's talk about it later," in a real self-important way that made me want to hit him repeatedly in the head and face with a copy of American Psycho.

Then the guy talked about his "studio" in the city, this star-studded bar mitzvah he was planning, and the people he had met, including some of the stars of the movie about to be screened. (I believe he showed photos on his iPhone.) He never asked the girl one question, or even paused from his own self-indulgent ramblings. And the worst part was, the girl was completely hooked, interrupting his monologue with honey-dripped bon mots like, "That's awesome." or "That's so cool."

It was truly an amazing scene. I've never seen two completely vacuous, rock-stupid people fall in love.

Now, that would make a good documentary. Not better than Trumbo, but still pretty excellent.

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