Saturday, August 9, 2008

Scenes from a Mall (Forgive the reference)

In my previous post, I had mentioned how I had won four free movie passes, prompting a trip to see The Dark Knight. The bad news about that was the passes were for Mega Movies at the Brunswick Square Mall.

I used to go to Mega Movies quite a bit when I first moved to my glorious suburban town because it was close to the house and I could hit on the 18-year-old salesgirls at Spencers' Gifts. (OK, only the first part is true. My usual playa haunt is the Olive Garden on Rte. 18.) As time went on, I started to hate going there.

Since the theater is in a mall, it is teeming with kids. Now, I don't have a problem with the youth of America, except when they're at malls. Unsupervised, hyped up on unsupervised freedom and cell phones, they are beyond obnoxious. As I went to the theater more and more, I'd have groups of teens talking during the movies, making comments, and just acting like apes with backwards baseball caps and ruffled skirts. And not just at movies geared toward them, but indy stuff like Trust the Man.

So, I had mixed feelings when I got the free passes. On one hand, it was, "Hey, free movie passes!" On the other hand, it was, "Ah, Christ, I have to go to here." When I went to see The Dark Knight on Friday afternoon, it seemed harmless. The movie had been out for a while, so it wouldn't be packed, and it was a 2:45 p.m. show on a beautiful day.

What could go wrong, right?

It started about an hour into the movie. My girlfriend turned to me and complained about a drop falling on her head. OK, I thought, probably nothing major; we'll move if need be. Five minutes, later she says, "There's that drop again...Wait, it's popcorn. It's coming from behind me."

I stormed from my seat and walked two rows up, where I confronted two 10-year-old girls, both slumped in their seats. "Are you throwing popcorn?" No answer, life flashing before their eyes, as they wondered what this 6'1" bearded guy was going to do. "Knock it off."

Problem solved.

I'm honestly thinking of mailing the two passes back and treating GF to a movie at a theater that doesn't resemble the Double Deuce in Road House. No one deserves this, plus what if the girls wanted to "throw down"? I'd be so screwed.

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